Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Finding balance....

How does a stay-at-home mom find balance or even stick to a schedule? From my personal experience it doesn't come easy. I don't even really know where to start. How do you get an infant on a schedule? Her napping schedule changes by the day. And honestly I'm not the hard ass that can go and just lay her in her bed. I mean in my eyes she is still a newborn, Guess I need to get over that. 
I have never been given the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom in the past. I do know how to balance multiple jobs, one child, and how to ignore household chores from my experience. But I'm still learning how to balance taking care of a husband (being the wife I think my husband deserves), taking care of an 8 yr old & 4 mo old (being the mother I always dreamed of having), Keeping up on housework, trying to get back down to pre-baby weight, and massaging to earn extra money for my family. Really trying to be the Proverbs 31:10-31 woman. "The wife of noble character"

 A wife of noble character who can find?
   She is worth far more than rubies.
 Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
 She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.
 She selects wool and flax
   and works with eager hands.
 She is like the merchant ships,
   bringing her food from afar.
 She gets up while it is still night;
   she provides food for her family
   and portions for her female servants.
 She considers a field and buys it;
   out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
 She sets about her work vigorously;
   her arms are strong for her tasks.
 She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.
 In her hand she holds the distaff
   and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
 She opens her arms to the poor
   and extends her hands to the needy.
 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
   for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
 She makes coverings for her bed;
   she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
   where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
 She makes linen garments and sells them,
   and supplies the merchants with sashes.
 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
 She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
 She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
 Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
 “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate

I know I can never really measure up to her, but that is the model I try to look up to. That is a huge order to fill though. 
I think it will start with me finding balance as a first step. I will keep you posted on my progress. =) 

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Coming up on a year...

So it seems like the last year has passed in a blink, But all I can think about is... What a year chock full of blessings.
It had been a very tumultuous 3 years or so leading up to our marriage. Katy Perry summed it up Nicely in her song "Hot N' Cold". We loved each other.. But with all the hurt of our pasts we had no idea how to truly love anyone, little lone.... LET SOMEONE LOVE US.  We were in the same boat though so at least we could work through the same problems together. At the time I was working a full 40 hour work week at the hospital, Raising my 6 year old daughter alone, Coaching about 21 JV & Varsity high school cheerleaders 6 days a week, and to top my day off I would schedule a massage for extra money (put my education to at least some use). Needless to say I was busy and in no way needed a relationship. Then I get a text from one of my great loves... But one of those great loves that you just never think will ever work out. We fought like cats & dogs one day then totally got along the next. Barrett said he needed to talk to me and asked if he could take me to dinner. I was just coming home from cheer practice and in desperate need of a drink so I allowed him to take me for a margarita instead. It had been months since i had even heard from him, I had no idea what he could want to talk about. So he drove the hour up the hill to pick me up. I refused to even change out of my practice clothes (a stubborn streak that wouldn't die easy). To be honest I can't even remember what we talked about.. I only remeber the white gold & diamond cross necklace he gave me when he dropped me off & the hug i gave him as he left. I was soo confused and not sure where to turn.. So with the cross in mind I sought God. I prayed and prayed and told God that until I heard from him I wasn't making a move. So 3 days later while driving I had to pull over, I was getting downloaded from above a message that would change my life. I'm going to keep that heavenly epiphany to myself but the jist of it was, "Love him, He may not know how to love you back right now, But love him how I love you. Neverending & unfailing love. Trust me I will take care of you, He is the one I MADE just for you" HOLY COW was all I could think or say. So I loved him to the best of my ability. & he tested me over and over and yep sometimes I got fed up and said God you can have him I can't do this. Yet I kept pushing through & boy I couldn't be happier now.
 December 2009 started out as a rough month and ended as a life changing month. I found out some heartbreaking news and just cut myself off for a bit. Little did I know it was all in Gods plan. God loves transparency and he was forcing that holy transparency, The kind you have to have to have a Godly Marriage, on us. I had no clue God was preparing us for a life long journey together. Those days hurt like no other but I wouldn't go back and change them for the world. Because with transparency comes vulnerability and with vulnerability comes true intimacy.
December 25, 2009 was one of the best days in our lives. The best Christmas present we could have ever asked for. We found out Kinslee Grace Anzar had begun her God Given life a few weeks earlier. You can always go back and wish you had done things in a better order but I apologize to nobody but God for our way of doing things. How can you ever deny this face.....
Shortly after Barrett asked me to marry him. He gave me the most beautiful engagement ring ever. While sitting on my sisters couch he got on his knees and asked me to marry him.
And due to morning sickness, Bronchitis, and family drama =) we decided to get married early on February 5, 2010 best day of my life besides the births of my daughters.

So in just a few weeks is our 1 year anniversary.. And I want my husband to know.....

That you are the one great love of my life. Thank you for being such an amazing father Kinslee & Bailee. You light my world and you are that one soft place I know I can always fall into. You have become a man that I admire and am so proud of. I am so thankful that God put me in charge of loving you =) This last year has been a year with ups and downs but has breezed by. I couldn't have asked for a better 1st year. I pray that God bless us with so many more years to come. You are my Bear & I love you more than you will ever know. We have become parents together and I can't wait to become Grandparents together. I am privileged to be able to grow old with the love of my life.

I love you Barrett Randall Anzar with all my heart

                                            Your Wife